Archive for October, 2007

The Idiot’s Guide To Me

October 5, 2007


We’re all actors playing ourselves
and if we’re lucky, sometimes
get to play a recognizable
version we can still relate to,
maybe even still sympathize with.

I long for something projected
into the last balcony
drawn from a reckless abandon
of improvisation, skewed memory
and perfect timing.

Early on
I wanted to be different –
but I meant impressive, unique,
not the kind that makes people
move to another seat on the bus.

I dress in too many colors
from the BIG crayon box,
accessorize like a coral reef crab
camouflaged behind anything available.
I embellish with too many adjectives
(wincing at escaped superlatives)
peg too many ironies
on the conversational clothesline
where they dangle limp in the dead calm
of more literal lives.

A shiny steel ball,
I follow a perpetual motion groove
that leads from one fascination to another
then spirals into obsession
until some emotional hairspring overbalances
and triggers the next new idea.

Often so tired I can’t sleep,
when I finally do wake up
feel bitterly cheated that my dreams
were shape shifting characters in vague interiors,
not vivid action adventures starring me.

I like people, at least the idea of them –
delicate meat bags
too easily separated from consciousness
who think they can feel, and feel they can think.
And I want to be desperately in love
with each and every one of them
but have been just a few times,
and even now grasp a fragile thread
like a life line.

I find four leaf clovers easily.

Watches stop when I wear them.

I love prison stories and time travel stories.
I am also fond of sandalwood soap
cowboy yodeling, black lace.
I hate yak butter tea, jury duty
sun roofs on cars, asparagus.

In my only comprehensible version
of probability, everything has a 50-50
chance of happening or not.

I am saddest on new years eve
and happiest traveling to any new place.
When reality disappoints, I use fantasy –
books when they are at hand,
or interior plots of my own devising.

*photo by Doug Mathewson