Archive for January, 2009


January 9, 2009


If I wanted to measure the insignificant
sequential regularity of time in identical units
I would buy a watch, the old wind up kind,
and I would wear it ostentatiously
and press it to my ear
to confirm the whispered “snicker-snicks”,
then I would surreptitiously sneak glances
at the fat and skinny arrows
by swiveling my wrist
at irregular intervals.

If I wanted to know how much
of the earth’s pull
is required to fasten my feet
firmly to this planet
I would buy a scale, the old analog kind,
then I would watch the dial twitch
between density and levity,
teeter between giddy optimism
and caloric indulgence,
and then I’d strap on a jet pack
and triumph over gravity once and for all.

If I cared to navigate my course
reliably I’d map-quest
some ultimate programmable destination
like Heaven or Disney World
or Emotional Self-fulfillment,
but I haven’t quite worked out
how to designate my departure point
from this plane without
connotatively implying self-pity.
At least I’d have to come up with something
better than “Connecticut”.

If I were going to throw a party
first I would have to get rid of
all the chairs I already have
because they look like
they don’t want anybody to sit on them.
Then I would have to make a list
off all the expiration dates on my food
to have the party on time.

If I wanted to erect my own pyramid
I would buy some naughty lingerie
so that all my slaves
would be willing love slaves
but when they abandoned me,
realizing the photo was digitally enhanced,
I would be forced to haul
all those giant stone blocks
to whatever island is next to Easter Island
and carve a bunch of female heads,
so that they and their counterparts
could scowl sourly and dourly,
at each other across the channel
through all eternity
or at least until they eroded so badly
it wouldn’t matter.

*photo by Doug Mathewson